the brain injury association
By Headway
Lawyer: “Did you ever sleep with him in Cardiff?”
Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.”
Lawyer: “Did you ever sleep with him in Carmarthen?”
Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.”
Lawyer: “Did you ever sleep with him in Swansea?”
Witness: “No.”
By Headway
How do you get a sweet little 80-year old lady to swear?
Get another sweet little 80-year old lady to shout, “BINGO!!”
By Headway
I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask her what colour it was. She would tell me, and she was always correct.
At last she headed for the door, saying wisely, “Granny, I think you should figure out some of these for yourself.”
By Headway
Question: “Is swimming good for your figure?”
Answer: “If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.”
By Headway
I’m not into working out. My philosophy is “no pain, no pain”.
By Headway
The second day of a diet is always easier. By the second day you’re off it.
By Headway
A man goes to the doctor and says,
“Doctor, it hurts when I do this”, and raises his arm.
“Well, don’t do it then”, says the doctor.
By Headway
A Man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog.
One man says to the other, “Does your dog bite?”
The man replies “No my dog doesn’t.”
The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off.
“I thought you said your dog didn’t bite”, said the injured man.
“That’s not my dog”, replied the other.
By Headway
My husband was unhappy with my mood swings
So, he bought me a mood ring the other day so he could monitor my moods.
We discovered that when I’m in a good mood it turns green.
When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond.
By Headway
“What’s your father’s occupation?” asked the teacher on the first day of school.
“He’s a magician Miss” said the new boy.
“How interesting” said the teacher “and what’s his favourite trick?”
“He saws people in half.”
“Gosh. Now the next question: Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“One half-brother and two half-sisters.”